Saturday morning reflections

It's Saturday morning, the kids are playing happily in Devon's room, still in their pajamas,  and we're not going to make it to church... again.  The main reason being that Steve and Abby are sick, and of course during this flu season we don't want to pass it around or expose ourselves while our immune systems are weak.  Also, I went to a Skillet concert last night in Salem and got my face rocked off, and didn't get to bed until 1 am.  But it bothers me immensely that this is starting to be a routine, our excuses for missing church or being incredibly late week after week.  I miss the fellowship of my church family, I miss talking about God with other people.
But am I leaning on others to do my spiritual walk for me?  I have noticed in times past when we go through phases like this that my spiritual walk becomes more like a crawl.  No, in fact, it becomes more like a crying toddler being pulled into the doctor's office for a shot.  I find myself being childish in my faith, bargaining with God, and sending up daily lists of things or resolutions that I want in addition to complaints about why things aren't turning out the way I want.  When will I grow up, Lord?  Why do I persist with my pursuit of worldly things when I know, I know, that what you have is better.  Why do I put you last on my "to do" list when I know that putting you first would make my incredibly long list so much easier to handle?  Why do I take the incredible gifts you've given me and treat them like I somehow deserve them?
Lord, hold my hand and help me trust you and love you because I don't have the strength to do it by myself, but I'm tired of leaning on others to do it for me.  Show me you, let me fall in love again.  Turn my desires of selfishness into desires of service for others.  Help me come to you first, before I try to do it all, fix it all, solve it all on my own.

Serena

Pirate-y things

Imagination + kids = funny.

Devon (to Abby): "Walk the plank, pirate!"
Abby: "OK.  Where is it?"
Devon: "Over there!"
Abby: "Thank you!"
Devon: "You're welcome!"

Later that afternoon, Devon struck a commanding pose on the arm of the sofa and announced loudly: "I am the pirate lord, captain, king, ruler, and dentist of this land!"
Oh, good.  I always thought the pirates could use a little extra dental work.

Gloria

As the sun set on Sabbath evening, I watched my best friend's step-father bury his wife.  The mother of my best friend was one of the kindest people you could have met, people said at the memorial service a few hours before.  People shared memories of her, ate a meal and cried together, and then gathered in a circle around her grave site to sing songs while she was laid in the ground.  The family took turns putting a shovel full of dirt over the urn, looking sorrowful and a bit odd, some of them in dresses and heels or suits.  Then Owen quickly removed his suit jacket and proceeded to gently and easily place the rest of the dirt over his beloved wife, as if he was tucking her in to bed.  The love and the devotion was a blessing to witness as he embraced the grieving process, letting all his love show at her death, just as he did in life.  I will always keep in my mind the picture of him, black suspenders over a black shirt, glasses slipping down his nose, shovel in hand, while the sun set behind him and the crickets and frogs sang their night-time chorus.  What a beautiful final act of love!

Karamel Sutra

As promised, the review:  This Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor consists of "A Core of Soft Caramel Encircled by Chocolate & Caramel Ice Creams & Fudge Chips"
It literally means a core of caramel - the whole center is one mass of it.  I recommend NOT eating one solid bite of just caramel, but other than that, delicious!  Not enough to usurp the Magic Brownie flavor as my new favorite, though.  I'm really going to have to look into the possibility of addictive additives being used...

A mother's heart

Before children, I did not understand how my heart could be so wrapped up in one tiny little being. People say that we have children to continue our existence, but I think we have children to teach us things. Things like patience, and love, and how to explain things that you never thought about before. Like how the clouds stay up in the sky or why it's rude to point. I think God gives us a glimpse of how much he loves us through our children, whom we still love, even after telling them for the bazillionth time NOT to eat the cat food. Or stick things in outlets. Or push little sister off the couch. And oh, how our hearts ache when other children are mean to ours! And how our stomachs knot up when they get hurt, even as we try to keep our faces calm.

As the mother of a small boy, I have known my share of accidents resulting from the rambunctious little man. In one three day time span, he ran headfirst into a door, which resulted in a large egg-sized bump on his forehead; then fell off the couch and cut his lip open with his teeth on the windowsill, resulting in one big, fat, bleeding lip; and then used his eye to stop his fall onto the wooden arm of a chair, resulting in a rather colorful area around his eye.

This last week, we were up in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, for family camp. And last week was the most heart stopping yet in my experience as a mother. First, he was swinging rather high on a swingset when he noticed something in his shoe.... so he let go with BOTH hands to get it out, right at the peak of the forward swing.  After he flipped 180 degrees and miraculously landed on his elbows and knees, I cleaned him up, patched all the scrapes with band-aids, and discussed with him the importance of waiting until you're stopped and on the ground to let go.  Next, while practicing archery, my son was retrieving his arrows near the target and leaned over to pick one up off the ground, failing to notice the one sticking straight out of the target at eye level. He screamed, we saw blood coming out of his eye, and my heart dropped straight down to my stomach. Fortunately, after a visit to the camp nurse and a visit to the eye doctor today, all is well. The next event at camp was at the rock climbing wall, where his finger got pinched in a caribbeaner, which also resulted in a lot of crying and a little blood. But the kicker was the zip line, which he had gone down several times before without problems. This time, it seized up right around the middle, and he was dangling in mid-air. At first he was fine... then he started kicking to try and get it moving again, and the chest strap rode up just enough to start choking him! This caused him to panic, and he was kicking (not helping!), screaming, and crying at the top of his lungs. I have never felt so helpless! Fortunately, the zip line staff member was quick to run a pulley up the line and we were able to get him to grab the rope she could pull him up the rest of the way. There was a 2 inch purple mark on his neck for the next few days, and little popped blood vessels all over his face that looked like purple freckles. He didn't let it affect him, though, and stayed cheerful for the rest of our week at camp.

Last week also held some amazing moments, like when he figured out that he could read most of the words on the screen onstage during song service, and I could hear his sweet little voice singing along with the other campers. Or how he snuggled up to me during the Saturday evening program, playing with my hair, whispering in my ear how much he loves me, and asking me to look up at the stars with him. And on the way home, while we were eating dinner, he figured out how to do a connect-the-dots drawing and find the way through the maze by himself.

He is the love of my life, my joy, my son.

B&J DMBMB

Those of you who use facebook know that there are a myriad of quizzes available to tell you everything from how sexy you are to what your birthday says about you to what pet you should have and even the first letter of the person that has a crush on you. While I do not take ALL the quizzes, I have taken a few, and one of the most recent was the "What flavor of ice cream are you?" with the result: Ben & Jerry's Dave Matthews Band's Magic Brownies.

*record scratch*

My first thought was: They named an ice cream after a band and you-know-what kind of brownies?!?

Second thought: I have never had that kind of ice cream.... I do like ice cream.... I should try that one!

So I headed over to the local Ben & Jerry's only to find that this flavor of ice cream is not available at all locations, and I must trek down to the location next to the mecca MOC on Willamette St. to find the tiny tub with the elusive ice cream.

Upon arrival, I told the ice cream clerk (is there a special name for this position that I am unaware of?) my facebook quiz story and he helped me find the flavor (coincidentally shelved next to the Karamel Sutra flavor... yes, I bought that one, too...) while looking at me like I am undoubtably the oddest customer he's ever dealt with. Yeah, buddy, I know I'm odd.

Here's what the Magic Brownie flavor entails: Black Raspberry Ice Cream Swirled with Sweet Cream Ice Cream & Fudgy Brownies. My review: YUM. I'm not sure if they actually put drugs in the ice cream, but I will not be sharing the rest of the pint with anyone else. ;)

P.S. Possible review on the Karamel Sutra flavor to come at a later time.

Put your hand in my hair

As I was snuggling my daughter tonight, she whispered to me, "Mommy, put your hand in my hair," which means she wants me to brush it off of her face and run my fingers through it, which helps her relax.  I also love the sensation and frequently asked my mom to do the same for me when I was little; sometimes I ask my husband to play with my hair when I've had a bad dream or need some help drifting off to sleep.  

My daughter lay there with her beautiful brown eyes wide open, staring at me with such love, and I thought, "This is one of the best parts about being a mom, this love and connection."  And then I thought about God and how I so want that with Him.  I want to lay beside Him and put my head on His arm while He plays with my hair.  I want to stare into His eyes and see Him looking back at me with that deep, powerful, unfailing love; I want to fall asleep knowing that I am safe with Him.

Low IQ

Driving home tonight, my daughter tells me she has to go to the bathroom.  As in, NOW.  So I'm speeding away and (of course) get stuck behind this guy going exactly 55 miles an hour in the fast lane, refusing to pass the guy in the slow lane.  After 8 miles, he finally pulls over, and as I pass him, I happen to notice his custom license plate: 

"LOW IQ."  

Yeah.

Two days to go

In two days, my baby sister will get married.  I'm pretty sure it's illegal to get married when you're 11, but everyone seems to think she's much older than that.  Which I know, somewhere in the back of my mind, but I keep forgetting.  All I can think about is the time she stuck her foot in the spokes of my bike when she was riding behind me, I think she was 3 or 4 at the time, and how I served her food and helped her around for a week because I felt so guilty for not being more careful.  I remember how her face used to light up when I came home from boarding academy on homeleaves, and how Christmases spent at home became so special because we got to have sister time.  And teaching her how to drive, because as the third child, my parents had had enough of that, so I volunteered.  How she becomes a better friend and closer sister every week, every month, every year.  How the ten years between us seems less like ten years as she matures into a beautiful young woman... but isn't she only 11?

Running North

I used to hate running.  As it turns out, it's probably because I was doing it all wrong, resulting in all sorts of lingering pain for days after running only a mile.  Wearing proper running shoes instead of my standard 80's KEDS probably would have helped, also.  

Part of my re-discovering who I am (or maybe even re-inventing who I am) during these last few years has been an increase in exercise and a desire to learn things.  I have also discovered that a self-motivational pep talk does wonders for the success of the new talent/project/activity. 

So I asked my trainer friend to please, please, please show me how to run properly.  Then, I went out and properly outfitted myself with new shoes and clothes designed specifically for running... this is all part of the mind thing, remember?!  After a few weeks, I found my stride and didn't have to concentrate so hard on my steps or my breathing, it started coming naturally; after I got some headphones and music with a steady beat, I started to actually enjoy running.  

But what I LOVE about running, the thing that makes my morning every time is running North.  See, there is almost always a cool breeze blowing from the North in our valley; and even more than its cooling factor, I love that it pushes my hair out of eyes and off of my sticky face so that I can see clearly where I am going.  The sun is warm on my back, the final push home is always North; and subconsciously I am excited to be home with my family, to take a shower, to start another day feeling good about myself and the progress I've made before anyone else even woke up.

It struck me today as I was jogging up that last stretch north that this euphoric feeling I experience running north is the same way I feel when I am figuratively running toward God.  When He is the cool breeze on my face, pushing my hair out of my eyes so I can see Him, cooling me down when I am sweaty from trying to do it all myself, giving me hope and strength to get through the next stretch of life because I know I will be home with Him soon.